Well, this is a first, I honestly never thought that in a million years I would ever start a blog, however, I find myself wanting to document this next stage in my life. I'll give it a shot, but knowing me, I'll probably forget I even have a blog (Someone just reminded me that I had a twitter account, which I've had for I think 3 years). Well, here we go...
As many people know, I just finished my masters in opera. While going to grad school has proven to be an invaluable experience, what I'm really left with is tens of thousands of more dollars in debt and a one way ticket back to the same place I started after I finished my undergrad...trying to figure out, "What's next?!?!"
My move to Columbia, South Carolina was unconventional to say the least. Why would a guy from bright, beautiful, sunny Southern California movesomewhere that is humid, in the middle of nowhere and *gasp* has actual seasons. The answer is simple: school. You could say that the move out here was cathartic. It was the first time that I'd be moving away from home. I'd spent 23 years of my life in SoCal and I was honestly content to stay, but I decided I wanted something more. I wanted a career in the opera biz. So, I slowly went through everything I owned and packed up box after box and placed them into one of three categories: 1) things to get rid of, 2) things to keep, and 3) things to make my parents keep because I didn't want to take it with me and I didn't want to get rid of it. I mean their house was still my home...right?! Long story short, I made the cross country trip BY CAR to the strange land of South Carolina, to the great land of the Fightin' Gamecock!!! Fast forward two years and I find myself in another, similar situation, however, this time around I have no plan. For the first time in my life, I really don't know what's going to happen next. I'm moving for myself and not for anyone else.
See, I was never really good at academics when I was younger (Even to this day I only think I got through college because I figured out how to play the system). I think college became so important to me because I always felt like an idiot when I was younger and earning college degrees was a way of bringing worth to myself. At that stage of your life, it's still so important to you what others think of you and what you might be worth to them. These last two years I developed this way of thinking that has really worked for me. First of all, it doesn't matter what other people think of you, it really only matters what you think of yourself because you're the only person who has to look at yourself in the mirror every morning for the rest of your life. Secondly, I adopted the motto, "You can't change what's happened to you, but you can change how you react." Honestly, this has changed my life. Yes, it kind of gets on people's nerves how happy and cheery and insightful I can be at times, but, once again, who cares. So it was with this new outlook on life that I decided to move to NYC. Actually, it was at the urging of my wonderful voice teacher, Janet, and the amazing support of my family, that I was able to make this decision.
Due to some extenuating circumstances involving a low paying job, a roommate who suddenly moved out, and a lease that was coming to an end, I was left with the issue of packing up my apartment and moving back home to CA. I was having lunch with my voice teacher about a week after my roommate moved out, recounting the whole story and she asks, "What about moving to NY?" I said that I hadn't thought about it. She encouraged me to spend a few months in the city auditioning, working , and trying to find an apartment; if things didn't work out, THEN I could move back to CA. I thought, "Maybe." Then she said the most terrifying thing that she could have said, "You're 25 and you're not getting any younger." OMG!!!! Suddenly everything came to a screeching halt. She was right. I could no longer play the "I'm just a baby" card. I was getting up there and I needed to be actively competing with other singers my age. I needed directors and conductors to hear me. I needed to get my butt in gear. After speaking with my parents, they wholeheartedly agreed. That's when the phone calls began. My parents and I began contacting friends and family in NY seeing if anybody might be able to put me up for a little bit, a few days here and a few days there until I could get on my feet. The response from my extended family was overwhelming, everyone said that they had a bed for me whenever I needed it and for however long I might need it. It's true what they say, blood is definitely thicker than water. So with a place to stay set in stone, I was ready to "pack up the luggage (la, la, la)."
So, here I am two days before I'm supposed to make the long drive north and start my new life and I'm not even close to being done packing. I've found it hard to deal with the fact that I'm leaving Columbia behind. Shockingly enough, spending these last two years on my own for the very first time has changed a lot about who I am and who I thought I was. It's not the city I'm going to miss, but the wonderful people. I've built a life for myself here, I've built a family. I keep thinking the longer I procrastinate the longer I can go without thinking that I may never see many of these people again.
I'm literally leaving SC with whatever I can fit in my car. I have no apartment to move into, I have no job, and I have no money. The odds that I'll be able to travel back to the south anytime soon is slim to none. It's going to be a while before I can scrape together enough money to do that. By the time I can get down there, many of my friends will have moved on. Hopefully, some of them will have moved up north, closer to me, but who knows. So my moving is a bittersweet event. I'm sad to be leaving my life down here, but I'm excited/scared to be moving on with my life, especially in a city that is as intimidating as NYC. We'll see how it goes. Who knows, maybe this blog that I never thought I would ever have will end up being my saving grace, the one place I can go to figure things out, the one constant in a future life of inconsistencies. WISH ME LUCK Y'ALL!!!
